This one time...at band camp...

Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T19:52:49Z

It's Thanksgiving time again. It always reminds me how I love some foods, and don't like others. What I think is really neat, is that a lot of the foods I really love, share the same name as some kind of animal. For instance:

I enjoy a food called Chicken nuggets. There is also an animal called a chicken, of which I have no specific opinion about, because I haven't met too many.

Pizza is another favorite of mine, but I don't think there is any animal that shares the same name.

Fish is good to eat, and there is a whole breed of swimming animals called fish. pretty cool.

These are some foods that don't share anything in common with animals, but I enjoy them none the less...

Hamburgers
Steak
Cherry 7up
Ribs
Egg McMuffins
Jalapeno Poppers
Steak sandwich
Pork Chops
Turducken
TV shows
Peanut Butter
Regular Butter
Bacon
skiing
twizzlers

True Story

2007-03-02T19:33:47Z

So This just happened...

The internet radio station that is on the first floor of my building sometimes brings on air guests, investors, whomever on a tour of their "facilities" (I put that in quotes, because the owner of the station asked me if he can include my studio on the tour, to make them look bigger than they are). Anywho...

They knock on my door, and in walk a couple people from the station, and some actor named Ron Jeremy, and he sits down on my couch and we chat briefly.

The conversation was basically this:

RJ: So what do you do here?
BC: I'm a music producer, commercials, videos, some voice overs.

At this point, he starts walking around the studio, and stops at the wedding photo of me and Tracy, and say:

RJ: Man, music producers always have hot wives.
BC: Thank you (not that I had anything to do with my wife being hot, but I didn't know what else to say)

Then they leave.

He seemed nice, but I feel bad that I don't know what he's been in. Maybe I should rent one of his movies.

On a totally unrelated note, does anybody know where I can get a couch dry cleaned?

Overheard on the El

2006-10-25T00:12:01Z

Not Pregnant Women: I want to get off at Fullerton and see if James can do my tatoo for $30.

Pregnant Women: What're you gettin? (scarfing down a bag of McDonalds)

NPW: I'm gettin Mighty Mouse, but I just want the head, the booty, and the tail. And I want it to say "booty" on the booty and the tail to be a devil's tail.

PW: Where are you gettin it?

NPW: On my neck.

PW: You want a rat's ass on your neck!!!!!

NPW: Yeah, and if he can't do it, I want to go somewhere else because I got a job interview tomorrow and I want to get it before my job interview.

later on....

PW: I'm so hungry all the time.

NPW: Yeah, you're as big as a house.

PW: I had a coupon for a free McDonalds breakfast sandwich, then I had an italian beef for lunch, and this for dinner (2 big macs, super sized fries, chocolate shake)

NPW: You need to eat more fruit!

PW: I had like FOUR Kool Aids today!!!!

Post Marathon re-knee-cap

2006-10-23T17:56:52Z

summary: 26.2 miles is hard.

My feet hurt. My knees hurt. My calves hurt. My hips hurt.

I finished in 5:59:19, which is good, cause I wanted to finish in under 6 hours, but really I just wanted to finish. Kevin, Nora and Margaret are rock stars for running with me the whole time. Kevin is especially a rock star for pulling me in a Radio Flyer wagon for 25.8 miles.

Everyone who came out to cheer us on is awesome.

This was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I never want to drink another sip of lemon/lime Gatorade. Seriously, I don't even want to go into a store that stocks it. Would it kill them to make ONE aid station fruit punch?

Trapper got a donut? I want a donut. Where were the donuts? If I knew there were donuts, I would have run faster, or at least made Kevin pull me faster.

My wife rocks for making me go out and train, even when I didn't want to (which was pretty much all the time).

Running is not fun, and never will be, and people who think it is fun are crazy. I had fun running the marathon.

Rock the Funky

2006-07-27T16:19:32Z

I need your feedback...bad or good.

http://www.braincasemusic.com/rock/

Personality test

2006-06-15T16:46:17Z

My Personal Dna Report

Happy Birthday!

2006-05-23T17:19:17Z

On this day:

Actress Betty Garrett is 87. (Born 1919) She appeared on several television shows including "All in the Family" and "Laverne and Shirley."

Actor Nigel Davenport is 78. (Born 1928) He starred in several films including "A Man for All Seasons" and "Chariots of Fire."

Actress Barbara Barrie is 75. (Born 1931) Her credits include the TV shows "Suddenly Susan," "Barney Miller," and "Private Benjamin."

Actress Joan Collins is 73. (Born 1933) She is best known for her role as Alexis Carrington on the television drama "Dynasty."

Tennis Hall of Famer John Newcombe is 62. (Born 1944)

Former WBC and WBA world middleweight boxing champion Marvelous Marvin Hagler is 52. (Born 1954) He was inducted into the International Boxing Hall of Fame in 1993.

Texas Rangers manager Buck Showalter is 50. (Born 1956)

Actor and comedian Drew Carey is 48. (Born 1958) He's best known for "The Drew Carey Show" and for hosting the American version of the show "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Best-selling author Mitch Albom is 48. (Born 1958) His credits include "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "The Five People You Meet in Heaven."

Actor Linden Ashby is 46. (Born 1960) His credits include the movies "Judgement Day" and "Wyatt Earp" and the TV series "Melrose Place" and "Dark Angel."

TV personality Karen "Duff" Duffy is 44. (Born 1962)

Musician Phil Selway is 39. (Born 1967) He's in the group Radiohead.

R&B singer Maxwell is 33. (Born 1973)

Singer-songwriter Jewel is 32. (Born 1974)

Actor Adam Wylie is 22. (Born 1984) He's best known for the role of Zachary on the television show "Picket Fences."

ALSO...

My beautiful wife, and best friend. Happy birthday!
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brian81773 @ 2006-05-04T21:21:00

2006-05-04T21:21:58Z

Take My Quiz - http://www.quizyourfriends.com/linkIM03.php?quizname=060504172001-283832&

What The Bucket??!?!!

2006-05-03T18:56:47Z

It is high time I pointed my ruby encrusted pointing finger at commercial shows. I have some gripes. No...I have some grapes...no...I was right-e-o the first time...I have some gripes.

Gripe # 1)

The same actress is used in 3 commercials. Pedialite drink for young children, some kind of genital herpes medicine commercial, and K-Y warming personal lubricant. I think it's just wrong, and you all know what I say about things that are wrong, don't you..."BRING ME MY SAMICH"

Gripe # 2)

The Kool-AId commercial with the big Pitcher Guy. Why does he wear shorts. He didn't in the seventies, when I wached him, but now he wears shorts. My biggest problem with this is, there was probably several meetings with people flying all over the country to discuss this issue. The transcript probably looks somthin like this:

Suit 1: I think we need to put some pants on the Kool-Aid pitcher mascot.

Suit 2: Why, he doesn't have genitals.

Suit 1: Yeah, but in these times, even not having genitals can be a form of having genitals.

Suit 3: What are you talking about!?

Suit 1: I'm just sayin, there is a fetish for EVERYTHING now. I'm sure some sick pervert out there has a fetish for cartoon drink pitchers who show off their non-genitals. There is even a website for it...Johnson! Give me your laptop!

Johnson: Righty-O

Suit 1: See...www.cartoonmascotnongenitalglasspitcherfilledwithjuice.com

Suit 2: Wow, they even have shots of the sunny-d sun in there.

Suit 3: That is obviously photoshoped.

Suit 2: Well, if there is a fetish for that, what if there is a fetish for cartoon mascot glass pitchers who wear pants. I personally think that is even sexier. Ya know, like they are covering somthing up.

Suit 1: Yeah, Like it leaves more to the imagination...that is sexy.

Suit 3: The only way to know for sure, is to have a focus group.

Suit 1: OK, we can have a focus group, but get me some pictures of Tony the Tiger with and without pants, and we'll see if it's just glass pitchers, of cartoon animals also. Johnson, get on that.

Suit 2: We should probably break for lunch...How bout' Applebees.

Suit 1: Yeah, that's fine...Johnson, get me a cob salad and a cheeseburger with swiss.

Suit 2: I'm gonna have the bbq chicken sandwich with fries. Can you find out what kind of soup they have, and if it's chicken noodle or ministroni, get me a small.

Suit 3: Nothing for me, I have a sandwich today.

Suit 1: Nothing? You sure?

Suit 3: Nothing, thanks though.

Suit 1: Johnson, get something for yourself also.

Johnson: Thank you sir.

Suit 2 (Quietly to suit 1): He's a good kid.

Suit 1: Yeah, he's much better than that moron they gave me last month.

and so on and so on

Gripe #3)

Do women talk about their periods in real life as they do on commercials, if so, that's fine, but if they don't, I just feel like we're being mis-led.

my neighbor

2006-03-24T15:38:29Z

My beloved neighbor is moving out today. So sad. Oh the memories. Since this neighbor represents 50% of my reader base, I will speak of him by one of his many nick-names, which include:

Senior Bubbleshorts
Matty Matty Gumdrop
Mugsy Rosensteinenbaumberg
The fellowship of the pecan frenzy
Ritty Rotunza
Wolfgang McDoodlebug
that guy who lives over there
Frenchie
Sober Matt
Armadillo Groove
The lovable pixie
Lando
Senior Gumdrop
Bring some beer
Potion #8
What's his bucket
Jor-El
Matty Matty two thumbs
Pig Eye Jackson
Iron Balls McGinty
Flexy
Matty butterscotch
Three Eyed Willy
Mr. Lincoln
Jasper Shrugsalot
Hooty johnson
Mattress Man
The guy who fixes our computer
TV Matt
Cliff Vandercave
Fluffy
Matt

To be fair, there are one or two of these, that only I use.

New song

2006-03-13T19:38:20Z

I'm working on a new song that really captures the plight of the North American Hobo. Here are the lyrics thus far.

Hobo Stew

Chorus:
Hobo Stew, Hobo Stew
I think I'll brew me up some
Hobo Stew

Hobo Stew, Hobo Stew
I think I'll brew me up some
How bouts you?

Verse:
I been-a stabbin tourists
for some money and things,
but I cants get by without no diamonds and rings
I went to the alley, for some chicken wings
But all I really want is some HO-BO-ZING

It's still a work in progress, but I think it could be a hit.

Also, Hobo Zing is what I assume hobo stew is called on the street (because it rhymes with my other words).

Some more ramblings...

2006-03-09T22:26:04Z

I figured, I'd spend some time to reflect about the time I almost had a pet chipmunk. You see, it was '82, and I really wanted a pet chipmunk. I thought they were funny, and you all know how I likey likey funny funny. It was a very innocent time for me, without the man tryin to keep me down (I don't really know what that phrase means, but I heard a guy say it on the train, and I liked his hat, so I adopted it as my own...I do that a lot, on account of me being lazy and all). I saw a guy today, and I liked his shoes, but he didn't say anything that I could "rip-off", even though I asked him to several times. He just sat there not saying much of anything, eating his lunch with some other important looking business people. Where was I...Oh yeah, so the first time I ever went to Europe, and I had NO idea that it wasn't customary to scream at the top of my lungs at every intersection. For those of you who have never been there, it is not only NOT a custom, it is in fact, frowned upon, and that is why I never had a pet chipmunk.

Some other weberdoodle

2006-02-28T21:41:56Z

create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

Some Kind of Thing

2006-02-28T21:33:39Z

create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

Yummy Yummy Miniatures

2006-02-06T21:58:52Z

Miniature Soap, Miniature Shampoo, Miniature Lotions. Everyday, I eat more and more of them, but Tracy keeps puting more out. I don't know where she's hiding her stockpiles, but I know it's not where she hides the candy, cause I found that...and if Tracy is reading this, I did not find the candy.

Get a load of my knickers!

2006-02-02T01:05:18Z

Take My Quiz
- on -
QuizYourFriends.com!

Movies (Talkies)

2006-01-12T22:42:02Z

I have a gripe with Hollywood. Technology is there to ENHANCE movies, not detract from them. I have seen way too many movies lately that don't use technology to their advantage. With all the computer simulated doo dads, and computer generated imaginary CGI's, and special effected wingle scratchers, filmmakers don't utilize monkeys nearly enough. I don't know who started the trend of monkeyless movies, and I don't really care. I just want people to start fresh, and make some good monkey movies again. For those of you who have been soiled by non-monkey movies (or nmm's as I like to call 'em (mmmmm nmm's would make a good candy, or at least some good rapper name)), I implore you...PLEASE go and rent more monkey titles. Here is a list of my suggestions.

Every Which Way But Loose
B.J. and the Bear (this one is a TV)
Monkey Trouble
Monkey Trouble 2
Monkey Shines
12 Monkeys
Monkey Business
Monkey Versus Robot
Monkey Island 3
Monkey Love
Run Monkey Run
Iron Monkey Strikes Back
Monkey Magic
My Friend the Monkey
A Man and His Monkeys (this one's not for the little ones)
Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge
Monkey, Monkey, Bottle of Beer, How Many Monkeys Have We Here?
Monkey Trousers
Monkey Doodles
Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!
Universal Ike Makes a Monkey of Himself
anything with Vin Diesel
Curious George
Monkey for Sale
Die Hard: With a Vengeance

Now go...I have too much implore in my satchel.

Cream cheese, and other non related foodstuffs

2006-01-04T21:50:37Z

Philly is nice this time of year. You should go. They have all sorts of foodstuffs. Some look like genitals, some don't. There is also a place there that has people who do CRAZY things. I remember eating peaches there. Philadelphia is not known for their peaches. So I definitely wanted to eat one. So I have a frame of reference when I go somewhere that IS known for peaches. Although...I did eat a "Philly Cheesesteak". It was wonderful, but in the pictures, I didn't say it, because it wasn't a "talkie". The Cream cheese that I ate was in my kitchen, so I don't know if it was good.

I met Colin. He's very nice, although he seems to like others more than me. Maybe it's because I called him short when nobody was around. He is kinda short though.

I wish I still had my peanuts. When I had em, I would put them all on my desk, and make up witty dialog for them. It would sound like this:

Peanut 1: Do you happen to know what time you have?
Peanut 2: Why yes, it is quarter of 3
Peanut 1: What does that mean? Quarter of 3. Is that quarter past 3, or quarter before three?
Peanut 2: It means quarter before three.
Peanut 1: Then why don't you say that, or quarter TO three would work also.
Peanut 2: It's pretty common. Why don't you understand what it means?
Peanut 1: I understand, but I don't think it makes sense.
Peanut 2: You're a jackass.
Fade Out

Peanut 1: How is it, that when The Cosby Show was on, it was so funny, but now, when I see it, it just seems dated and unfunny?
Peanut 2: I still like The Cosby Show.
Peanut 1: but seriously, compare it to the shows on now, even a crappy show is better.
Peanut 2: What kind of crappy show?
Peanut 1: I don't know...King of Queens, or something like that.
Peanut 2: I like King of Queens.
Peanut 1: Man, you have bad taste.
Peanut 2: Them's some pretty strong words coming from someone who likes "Stacked"
Peanut 1: But Stacked is a good show, at least it isn't the same crap all over again. It's a bookstore.
Peanut 2: I saw the pilot though, and it sucked.
Peanut 1: You can't go by the pilot, all pilots suck. It got so much better, now that they don't make so many boob jokes.
Peanut 2: Ok maybe I'll check it out again.
Fade out

Peanut 1: It's getting dark so early these days
Peanut 2: Yeah, well it's winter.
Fade out

Kevin and Nora rock

brian81773 @ 2005-12-27T19:35:00

2005-12-27T20:06:17Z

here are the things that I put on my christmas list that I didn't get.

a stained glass window depicting Ringo Starr plunging his toilet
a puppy
a Green Lantern action figure with the kung-fu crotch
three french hens
a big wheel
the ability to change water to diet sprite
the complete works of Gheorghe Muresan on DVD
an e mail explaining how I can get a low mortage rate, or cheap software

why do most children smell like apple juice. I know it's cause they drink apple juice, but I just drank some, and I don't smell like apple juice. I asked the guy in the office next to me, and he said I didn't. Maybe he's just being nice, I don't know.

Where was I...Oh yeah...and another thing that bugs me about Mexican food is the tomato

Some kinda Mugsy thingerdoodle

2005-12-27T19:32:46Z

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) What would you do if you found out scrapplequeen has a crush on you? I don't understand the question
2) Do you have belcanto88's screenname? I don't understand the question
3) Is belcanto88 1337? I don't understand the question
4) If belcanto88 commanded an army, who would be his/her followers? mostly male heterosexual opera fans
5) How many monkeys could swingdoc fight at once and win against? 7
6) Where would swingdoc most like to visit? enchanted monkey fighting island
7) Where was belcanto88 born? enchanted monkey fighting island?
8) If mattstratton had a superpower, what would it be? taco chucking
9) Is belcanto88 related to mattstratton? no
10) Does belcanto88 know tjmweb? yes
11) What would tavist do differently in your shoes? the dishes, and pick up my dirty clothes
12) tjmweb's hair color? Benjamin Moore 1069 - Twilight Gold
13) Is tavist your best friend? I'm nailing my best friend...teehee
14) How long would tavist dating swingdoc last? 4 months 3 days 6 hours 14 min
15) What would you do if mattstratton died? go through his pockets looking for loose candy
16) Does swingdoc do drugs? Is Tom a drug? I believe so.
17) Would you make out with tavist? that's gross...we're related now.
18) What is swingdoc's favorite movie? Tom
19) Has swingdoc been to your house/dorm? Yes. No.
20) Does scrapplequeen have a big secret? Yes. Maybe. Probly not.
21) What is tjmweb's biggest flaw? Nothing, he's a perfect arian specimen.
22) If tjmweb and momarkelz were spliced together, what would be its name? Hannah
23) Has scrapplequeen dyed their hair? No. maybe. yes.
24) Have you ever dated swingdoc? Does seeing her husband naked count?
25) What rank would momarkelz have in a giant robot army? Queen
26) What animal does scrapplequeen remind you of? Nora
27) Where was scrapplequeen born? Philly...She never shuts up about it.
28) What planet should tjmweb be from? One of those geeky star trek bullshit planets
29) What color should tjmweb dye their hair? Benjamin Moore HC-44 - Lenox Tan
30) Which of your friends should mattstratton go out with? I don't understand the question

Things that I hope to do, one day

2005-12-06T21:44:53Z

One day, in the near or distant future, I hope to do the following things. If anyone has done any of them, feel free to tell me what they are like, so if I don't get to do them (which is pretty likely), I can pretend that I did.

1) Program a cell phone in the backseat of a Ford Festiva, while it is being suspended over the Mississippi River.

2) Invent a device that will calm a person after they get stuck in a laundry mat after hours.

3) Ask a bus driver if it's OK to bring a well behaved goat on the bus.

4) Perform in a Folk trio with Todd Bridges, and Beau Bridges, called Two Fingers and a Toe.

That's pretty much it.

Review of a Bob Mould concert

2005-11-17T22:22:29Z

BOB MOULD - 9/21/99

by Elizabeth Pryce, Female High School Student

Location: Irving Plaza, New York, NY

Hi. I went to the Bob Mould concert on September 21st. It was a school night but since I told my mom this was for school she let me take the comutor train to and from the city. First off i just want to say that whoever these loooooosers are who like this kind of music need to get a life! I mean come on! could this guy be any older?!!! And everyone at the concert was totally old! It was like being with a bunch of my grandfathers. People in their 20’s and 30’s like the most boooooring music.

I went to see Kid Rock last week and let me tell you. . . he is the man! Woo! we were getting freeky that whole night! Lisa my friend I went with knocked into some guy who spilled his drink all over me and i was like "What the hell?! Can you just watch the music you frEak?!" and then Lisa told me it was totalee cool and that it was her fault and that she clean my shirt for me when we got home and the guy ended up being so cool. we ended up dancing on our chairs together. Everyone was looking at me and saying "take it off!" and I just kept dancing and laughing at all those asshole guys in the crowd who wanted me. I should have start dancing at the Bob Mould concert because I was bored! Let me tell you! Did you ever watch MTV Unplugged? Well this guy was doing the same thing playing with only his gitarr and singing. . . but he sucked! MTV has cool bands! This guy had a buch of lameass songs that all sounded the same.

Someone next to me told me how he was playing all these many different things and when I asked him if he was crazy he said something about posthooskerdoo and prehubcap. What the hell was he talking about?! This show sucked!! Bob Mould must have never had sex because when I flashed him he gave me a dirty look like I was some kind of slut or something. The only guys I have ever had sex wtih are my exboyfriend and sammy who used to come over and we’d hang out and he ended up going out with my friend Jackie. So Bob Mould is just gay and I am not a slut! I don’t think he has ever had a girlfriend because he only talked about stupd things in his songs. i dindt hear what he as saying but you could tell it was stupid. He was like my dad. Actually my dad would be worse. One tme my dad sang at my friend’s party and I was SO embareissed! I wasl ike "Dad! Come on! Your going to embariss me in front of everyone!" But Bob Mould was still like if someones dad sang songs at a concert.

The worst part of the show came when we all thought he was done and then he came back out for a oncore. He sang two more songs and I thought I was never going to get to leave. I like oncores when people like Kid Rock are having a concert but this was stupid this was a very small concert place and you are a complete loser if you come out a second time for only a small gruop of poeple. He didnt even say buy after the show was done. . . he just walked off. But people still thought he was good. God, what if I had to live forever with the people that were at that show? I would have killed myself!

My ears still hurt so I guess he was loud. And I kept my ticket stub so I could show the people at school that I went. They thought I was pretty cool. I recommend this concert to anyone who is a fan of the man who started the whole era of music that came right after hardcore punk made it's stamp on the American music scene and right before alternative music got sucked up by mainstream grunge.

That time of the year

2005-11-17T21:35:06Z

Hi Folks, Sorry it's been so long since I've written, but it's fall, and you know what that means...that's the time of year we should all take a month or two to think about Val Kilmer. This year, on my Kilmarian Odyssey, I focused on the film "Willow". I think this is the second best movie ever made, for the following reasons:

Val Kilmer in a cage.
Possibly the 4th or 5th best sledding sequence in a film.
Those little naked guys.

The single best reason why I like this movie better than any other movie, is that it reminds me of other movies that I like better.

On a related note, I find that when I'm doing the dishes, and the sink is full up of sudsy goo-ness, I like to take a glass bowl and partially submerge it. Then I pretend that I am on a glass bottom boat ride, and there is nothing to see. I then get angry, and ask Tracy for my money back.

Congrats!

2005-11-03T14:20:39Z

Congratulations to Colin Horwedel for the birth of his new parents Kim and Tom. They are adorable, and you should be proud! Well...until you are about 14, then you should be mortified, then proud again at about 22.

Some things that bug me.

2005-10-07T18:01:51Z

1) things that are gelatinous.

2) Old Navy Performance Fleece

3) the container store (actually, I like the container store, but I wouldn't if they carried bedding (which they don't), so I guess this is just a warning to their management)

4) This guy

http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/

5) Neopolitan Ice Cream

6) People who don't like to go Mountain unicycling

7) listerine

8) "Biscuits & Gravy"

9) bumper stickers

I'm pretty much OK with everything else.